The Feed

Cereal, Bruce Willis and Shawn Kemp: Together Again For The First Time

A list of cereals you'd probably never eat. We're waiting for Roger's Roundies. They're really expensive, only fill half a bowl and never stop telling you how great they are. (Deuce of Davenport)

Speaking of the aging Rocket, he's one of seven 40-somethings who will start games tomorrow. All ERA's half-off until 6. (ESPN)

Live Free, Die Hard, Watch Sportscenter. (Awful Announcing)

Milton Bradley should really put out this game about Milton Bradley. (Catfish Stew, via Can't Stop The Bleeding)

A great list of the essential attributes of great closers. Like all rules, there's an exception to this one and it's Mariano Rivera. Only makes him better. (Signal to Noise)

We also owned the NBA Superstars videotape and we also remember it fondly. It's impossible to think of Larry Bird without thinking of "Small Town". (Slam)

It doesn't matter how sad a story is, when Shawn Kemp makes an appearance the only thing you can think of is bouncing babies. (Randball)

Tim Tebow draws some water in this town, you don't draw shit. (Loser With Socks)

Ricky Hatton vs. Floyd Mayweather? We're in. (Rumors and Rants)

The Brewers keep coming up with gems from their farm system. (Brew Crew Ball)

Bob Stoops Is An Analog Coach In A Digital World

What is it with college football coaches and the Internet? Are the pressures of devising new wrinkles to the I-Formation really so great that there's no time left over to discover the myriad pleasures of email, iTunes and YouTube? You've got Bobby Bowden blaming eBay for his son's firing at Florida State, Minnesota football coach Tim Brewster denying that he "reads the Internet" and Purdue coach Joe Tiller blaming blogs for sharing information about Boilermaker practices. We can now add Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops to the list of coaches who aren't all that saavy about the web.

Stoops invested some coin in a digital music company called BurnLounge recently. It wasn't a huge investment, just $450, but he's unlikely to see any return on it because BurnLounge is accused of being an illegal pyramid scheme. You know how such schemes work, the guys who get in first get money from the people they bring in later and so on and so on. This one has a lot of sports figures caught up in it and was started by two former University of South Carolina footballers. Stoops introduced Steve Spurrier Jr. to the investment, among other people, but claims that he never made a dime off of it. Not that he was in it for the money, anyway.

"I did not see this as a money-making opportunity,” Stoops said of BurnLounge, a New York City-based business. "I invested because it was a way for my family and me to download music.”

Here's some unsolicited but well-meaning advice for Mr. Stoops. Go to Apple's website and check out this service they've got called iTunes. It's extremely user-friendly, you can download it right onto your computer and within minutes you can be taking music off of your CD's and saving them in all their digital glory. They've also got this whole store you can access and download music, movies, podcasts and TV shows to your heart's content. We're digging the new White Stripes album in these parts but you can find all your own favorites there. Except AC/DC damnit! Other than that, though it's a pretty sound service that isn't, you know, illegal. You owe me one, Bobby.

Joe Paterno On Mortality

80-year old Penn State coach Joe Paterno was speaking at a fundraiser in Pittsburgh yesterday when the topic turned to the recent motorcycle accident of former Nittany Lion linebacker Lavar Arrington. The coach opined that it might actually be a good thing for Arrington because it might make him more aware of his own mortality. Paterno's most recent brush with mortality came on the sideline last season when two players barrelled into him on the sideline and broke his leg during a game against Wisconsin. Perhaps that's why he was evasive when asked about his plans following the 2008 season, the last year covered by his current contract.

Paterno has a contract that runs through the 2008 season. He laughed off a question about whether he would seek an extension. He joked that he might lobby Penn State athletic director Tim Curley, who was in the room, for two more years, so he could fire Curley if the AD proved to be too annoying.

Paterno should probably only discuss extensions with his maker at this point in time. He's 80, for one thing, and there's really no way for PSU to get rid of him unless he's ready to retire. And also because apparently State College operates under the rarely seen hierarchy of football coach above athletic director so why bother going through the motions of contract negotiations.

That Sopranos Show Was Popular It Seems

So does the Parrot live? (Deadspin)...and since we're at it, does Hillary Clinton?

Elijah Dukes might want to stay off the radio and let someone else do the defending for him. (The Big Lead)

This could explain why Curt Schilling's been slapped around this month. (Lohud Yankees Blog)

Rashard Lewis might want to find himself a new agent. (Empty The Bench)

Mark Cuban goes Bolivian. (Our Book Of Scrap)

R.I.P. Terry Hoeppner (Rumors And Rants)

The disabled list can't keep A.J. Burnett down. (The Tao of Steib)

Congratulations to Tiger Woods and his wife on the birth of a baby girl. And best of luck keeping her away from the wily Latin charms of Angel Cabrera. (ESPN)

Another Snooker Fight, Those Damn Seagulls And The Subtlest Anti-Semitism You'll Ever See

When are they going to clean up snooker already? If they ever make a movie of the above incident Alec Baldwin's a lock to play the guy laughing in the chair. (Deuce of Davenport)

That's a troublesome URL for one of the few Jewish baseball players in the Major Leagues. (Fire Joe Morgan)

Who will be the next Jack Cust? Our money's on Yurendell DeCaster but mostly because of his name. (The Hardball Times)

It's been way too long since we've heard from Sgt. Slaughter. (DC Sports Bog)

Bernie Miklasz might want to think of the people reading his interviews the next time he shares stories about Peter King's lovemaking techniques. (St. Louis Sports Magazine)

Andre Rison is a bad dad in addition to being Bad Moon. (Lion In Oil)

It wasn't so much Justin Verlander as it was the seagulls that threw a no-hitter last night. (Bugs and Cranks)

What is it about Florida schools that makes for so much criminal behavior? (Rumors and Rants)

Remember Dan and Dave? They're back. In pog form! (The Extrapolater)

The College World Series Alumni All-Stars. (One More Dying Quail)

Hong-Chih Kuo might not want to dig in too firmly the next time he faces the Mets. We'd say he should act like he's been there before but he hasn't so maybe he catches a break. (Sports Unfiltered)

Baseball Side Dishes, Able-Bodied Olympians And John Kruk's Testicles

Now that we know A-Rod is into muscular, she-male types for his extracurricular boinking, who are the ideal mistresses for the rest of baseball's stars? Hint: The gal above is one of them, which justifies her being on this page. (Babes Love Baseball)

This just in: Olympic athletes must have two legs constructed of flesh and blood. (Lion In Oil)

Welcome to the Fukudome! (Armchair GM)

What does Charlie Sheen think about what A-Rod did? Not the stripper, that should be self-evident, but the yelling at the fielder thing. (MSNBC)

The coaches of the confederacy do not dig the Wolverines. (Mgoblog and Sunday Morning Quarterback)

Mark Lemke probably wasn't on steroids. (Just Call Me Juice)

All those tubes on the internet probably make it too easy to create Heisman campaigns for college football players. (The Wizard Of Odds)

Now you know why all those cyclists use steroids. It's tricky business. (The Postmen)

If you're making fun of John Kruk, stick to his weight, his performance on ESPN or his incessant flatulence. Just don't go after his balls. Or ball, actually. (SportsbyBrooks)

Charles Barkley won't have Steve Kerr to kick around at the next TNT weenie roast. (True Hoop)

Nick Saban, Smooth Talker

Nick Saban has some issues with telling the truth. After denying he would leave the Dolphins for the University of Alabama, Saban did just that and, now, he's in some trouble after reports surfaced that he had improper contacts with recruits in the Miami area. Not that kind of improper, he just spoke with high school players when he was limited to evaluating them and an "exchange of greetings" by NCAA rules.

Miami Krop linebacker Etienne Sabino told The Miami Herald that Saban talked with him about defensive schemes and told him he's ''the big physical type of linebacker'' Bama needs.

Saban's conversations with Miami Northwestern High juniors Marcus Fortson and Brandon Washington also could be perceived as more than a ``greeting.''

As reported in Sunday's Herald, Washington, a UM oral commitment, said Saban asked him if ''my heart was in Miami.'' Washington said he answered no. He said there's a good chance he will sign with UM but wants to visit other campuses.

Washington later told canesport.com that Saban ``was talking to me about different things, about coming to the summer camps, to come on an unofficial visit, see how things are in Alabama. He said I'm a great player.''

Unless the players are lying it certainly sounds like Saban gave them more than just a wink and a nod. Saban addressed the rumors at the SEC spring meetings but his comments stopped short of being a forceful denial.

"You really can't prove what you didn't do," Saban said Tuesday at the SEC spring meetings, where he addressed the topic for the first time.

"We respect the rules and certainly have always respected the rules and will continue to do that. And I think it's funny that it came from Miami."

When asked if the reports were inaccurate, Saban responded: "I said I think it's funny it came from Miami."

Respecting and following the rules, it goes without saying, are very different things. It should also go without saying at this point that believing anything Saban says is a risk not worth taking.

So Where'd You Learn To Communicate So Clearly, Jimmy Boy?

Jim Harbaugh isn't going out of his way to make friends in his first few months as Stanford's head coach. Back in March he caused a kerfluffle with conference rival USC by saying that Pete Carroll would be leaving Troy after next season and now he's set his sights on the remianing 115 teams. Harbaugh spoke to Glenn Dickey of the San Francisco Examiner and told him that he thinks Stanford sits above the rest of college football.

"College football needs Stanford. We’re looking not for student athletes but scholar-athletes. No other school can carry this banner. The Ivy League schools don’t have enough weight [because of their low athletic level]. Other schools which have good academic reputations have ways to get borderline athletes in and keep them in."

Wow, I'm glad I was sitting down when I read that explosiveness. Can you believe that big-time football schools aren't making it to bowl games because of their reliance on players who can split a double team as easily as they can conjugate verbs in German. I guess I won't go ahead and read Vince Young's dissertation on the architectural history of the Mayan people.

Harbaugh went on to single out one school in particular as a breeding ground for undeserving students pushed through school because they can play football.

"Michigan is a good school and I got a good education there but the athletic department has ways to get borderline guys in and, when they’re in, they steer them to courses in sports communications. They’re adulated when they’re playing, but when they get out, the people who adulated them won’t hire them."

Just for the record, Harbaugh has a B.A. in, you guessed it, Communications from the University of Michigan.

(Thanks to The Wizard Of Odds)

Manny Ramirez, You Cut To The Core Of Me

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Manny Ramirez is a great hitter, a legendary flake and an advocate for increased testing for head lice. (The Fanhouse)

Diego Corrales always made a fight more interesting to watch and boxing is poorer for his death at just 29 years old. Chico's fight with Jose Luis Castillo is one of the best we've ever seen and we send all condolences to his family. (Rumors and Rants)

It's obviously been a long time since Suzyn Waldman has felt the touch of a good man, woman, billy goat, Hitachi Magic Wand or a stiff breeze even. (Awful Announcing)

More Ryans than a night on Temple Bar. (Washington Times)

Here's a hot stock tip: Buy as many shares of the Phoenix Bandage Concern as possible. (The Basketball Jones)

Televising the Major League Baseball draft is a bad idea. Not as bad as going into a Haitian hooker bareback but a bad idea nonetheless. (Signal To Noise)

The Mets are 46 today. (Faith And Fear In Flushing)

The 2008 NFL Draft list. Will Chad Henne be a less attractive Brady Quinn? (ESPN)

It's probably time for Jorge Reyes to go back to secretarial school. (Washington Post)

An early look at next year's Jet roster. (The Jets Blog)

Tyrus Thomas needs a nickname. I've always been partial to Coco. (True Hoop)

End Of The Week Clearance

Dan Majerle can still bring the thunder. (The Postmen)

As a Wolverine, I'm preconditioned to be down on the Wisconsin Badgers. But gridder-turned-Marine Jake Wood gets a major pass. (Lion in Oil)

Curt Schilling needs to chill the fuck out. How many people really believed Gary Thorne's lamebrained assertion that Schilling painted his sock red during Game Six of the 2004 ALCS? A few Yankee fans, perhaps, looking for a sliver of joy after six straight losses or several pasty-faced high schoolers that Schilling beat up in the form of some online dwarf but really, Curt, drop the indignation. (38 Pitches)

Joe Posnanski and Bill James talking about players who, for a stroke of luck here and a different stadium there, could've been in the Hall of Fame? Sign me up, even though they forgot about Jimmy Wynn. The Toy Cannon got screwed by the Astrodome and by the 1960's focus on pitching but make him five years younger and stick him in Fenway and he's a first-ballot pick. (The Soul of Baseball)

An open letter to Lenny Wilkens from the only blog named after Bip Roberts. (A Price Above Bip Roberts)

Because no one can ever have enough Terry Bradshaw. (Signal To Noise)

Just how smart is Mel Kiper anyway? And what would the NFL look like if he drafted for everybody? (Football Outsiders and Smittblog)

Mommy, where do quarterbacks come from? (Larry Brown Sports)

The sun rises, waves crash on the sand, Michael Vick gets in trouble, Rondell White gets injured: Like the sands through the hourglass these are the days of our lives. (Babes Love Baseball)

The how's and why's of the Yankee losing streak. (LoHud Yankee Blog)