Jones And Henry Have Some Time On Their Hands

You've probably heard by now that Pac-Man Jones and Chris Henry have been hit with lengthy suspensions as a result of their continued inability to steer clear of situations that found them arrested or investigated by the police. Commissioner Roger Goodell minced few words while suspending Jones for the entire season and Henry for eight games.

"We must protect the integrity of the NFL," commissioner Roger Goodell said in a statement. "The highest standards of conduct must be met by everyone in the NFL because it is a privilege to represent the NFL, not a right. These players, and all members of our league, have to make the right choices and decisions in their conduct on a consistent basis."

In a letter to each player, Goodell wrote: "Your conduct has brought embarrassment and ridicule upon yourself, your club, and the NFL, and has damaged the reputation of players throughout the league. You have put in jeopardy an otherwise promising NFL career, and have risked both your own safety and the safety of others through your off-field actions. In each of these respects, you have engaged in conduct detrimental to the NFL and failed to live up to the standards expected of NFL players. Taken as a whole, this conduct warrants significant sanction."

Well said. Here at The Feed though we want to make sure that Jones and Henry spend their time away from the game as productively as possible. That's why we've come up with this list of ways to keep busy.

• Start a guns for toys program. People bring you 50 toys in their original packaging and you give them one of your guns. Heck, it could even be a posse member's gun. Then you donate the toys to a children's hospital. Unless someone gives you a Playstation 3. That you can give to me.
• Take up yoga. It's really helped center Ricky Williams. That and the weed. But you shouldn't start smoking the weed, just doing the yoga. Find a good mantra, meditate and find your third eye and you'll be in a state of perfect conciousness in no time.
• Fight crime as costumed vigilantes. Put your proclivity for misbehavior and love of weaponry to good use for a change. Dressing up as Pacman would call way too much attention to yourself but I'm thinking that you look to your alma mater and throw on a getup like this and take to the hills. Buckskin and a musket equals fighting for what's right. A throwback and a Glock, not so much.
• As a corollary to the above, give ghostbusting a shot. It worked for the real Pacman, not to mention Ernie Hudson. This one can probably wait until Henry is reinstated unless he wants to drive the ambulance.
• Visit with Oprah. A seat on her couch, a few tears, maybe a cooking segment. It does wonders for public opinion and helped James Frey turn his real-life problems into pure gold. Well, not real-life problems but you've got that on him. Your problems are all too real.
• Take up knitting. Idle hands are the devil's workshop and your hands won't be idle for a hot second if you are making sweaters for all your loved ones. I'm slightly troubled about giving you needles, so perhaps we'll hold off on this one until you've shown a bit of progress with the keeping the nose clean.
• Scare some people straight. You can do this in two ways - go to reform schools and juvies and let the little delinquients know that it's never too late to take up football, slightly tone down the misbehavior and go for the NFL. Or you can go to gay bars and literally scare the patrons straight. Your choice, boys.
• Start a petition to get Tank Johnson, Lionel Gates, Joey Porter, Jerramy Stevens and a cast of thousands suspended as well. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
• Pray. It worked for Zach Johnson, although presumably failed for every other religious golfer at the Masters. Still a 1-in-96 chance based on those figures though.
• Write a letter thanking Goodell for not banning your asses for life.

Comments

[the butler]

Was there some mathematical formula that determined Pacman's suspension should be twice that of Chris Henry?

Goodell the scapegoating politician. What a hypocrite. All of a sudden he's genuinely worried about the NFL's "integrity". Right.

I don't remember any integriy issues when the entire Vikings team had a Sex Boat Fest a couple years ago. Or when Ray Lewis was charged for MURDER.

Dozens of players are arrested last year, and he's gotta pick on my man Pacman.

What happens when Brady or somebody like that gets a DUI in week 17...you think Goodell will be consistent with his punishments and suspend someone like that?

[The Feed]

Butler - Good stuff there. I think there's a pattern of behavior with Jones and Henry that outweighs some of the other offenders but you're right that guys like Lewis deserved harsher penalties than they ever received. Goodell hasn't been on the job that long and I think this is a big step out of Paul Tagliabue's shadow for him and the right move. What happens next, I don't know.

As for the more games for Jones than Henry, what he did in Vegas was worse than anything Henry did and his rap sheet is too long to get anything but the sweatiest jobs outside the NFL so I'm not too upset by it.

All sports have treated DUI as a joke and I wonder if they will continue to until a member of one of their families dies in an accident with a drunk driver.