There's really few things as enjoyable while sitting and waiting for a delivery than Mike Francesa, Mad Dog-less, discussing things having nothing to do with sports. He's deep into a riff about award shows right now, having moved past the Grammys and onto the Oscars.
The most fascinating factoid he's shared thus far is that the Mad Dog, while in college at Rollins, used to babysit for the two Dixie Chicks that are sisters. That's not how he described them - he went with the two tall, thin Dixie Chicks not the short one that's fat. Classy coming from a man of Francesa's girth. If you can identify it, why can't you do anything about it. Their father was a professor at Rollins, it seems, and for one reason or another trusted his kids with that freak.
"I mean Dog's a level-headed guy, but you know he might be watching the sports and let them ruin the house."
Not really what my biggest concern would be if I left my kids at home alone with Chris Russo. Diction lessons would be and I don't mean that in a dirty way at all.
I could really do a transcript of everything, he's that on today but some more choice cuts from the last 15 minutes.
"I'll tell you one thing, though, when you start Red Hot Chili Peppering me, I'm gone. That's an ugly group, I'm telling you right now, that's not a pretty group of guys those Chili Peppers."
Again, if you can identify it...
"I am a music fan, I'm no music expert, I'm no rock historian...If we are going to have a tribute to James Brown, our best choice is Christina Aguilera?"
He's actually right on the money here, although he acts like Brown existed before there was television..."James Brown was big time. Biiiiiig Time!!" The producer wearing a "Khannnnnnnnn!" t-shirt and a nasty ponytail just nods along as he runs through questions about why Dylan and the Eagles weren't on the show. He's just getting started, though.
"Carrie Underwood. All I know about her is she ruined Tony Romo's year. That was the award she got last night, right? Ruining the Cowboys season, Carrie Underwood? Romo's whole year went downhill (big hand gesture here) as soon as she started appearing on the field every week. That was the award last night, wasn't it? Ruining a football season, the winner Carrie Underwood."
He repeated the hand gesture after that, with sound effect of a plane going down. He watched the show before taping "Miked Up" his WNBC Sunday night extravagganza. Something he also does on Oscar night because he doesn't do the show and watches the awards. So, any opinions on the Oscars, Mikey?
"Scorsese's gonna win for The Departed. The Departed's good, it coulda been great, but it's good. Now, I'm not telling Scorsese how to make films."
Please do, Mikey. Please tell all of us how to make movies. He won't go into detail but has a problem with the end of the movie and it's "a little long in spots, but aren't they all." I actually think he's right on the money, here, loving DiCaprio, Baldwin, Marky Mark, etc. I loved the film as well and also wouldn't tell Scorsese how to make films. A few more gems,
"I have never seen a horror movie and I've never seen a spaceship movie in my life."
"I'm a romantic (sucks hard on his cough drop)...E.T.'s not a spaceship movie, it's beautiful. It's a love story."
"He's a weird dude, that Kubrick guy."
He's a treasure. I wasn't watching earlier in the show, thankfully Gerard at Can't Stop The Bleeding was tuned in and caught this remarkable live commercial.
"Valentine’s day is coming….don’t screw it up.”
(long pause)
“Call Vermont Teddy Bear.”
(longer pause)
“I’ve got a cough drop in my mouth.”
(another 7 or 8 seconds of dead air)
“Vermont Teddy Bear…we’ve been working with them a long time. You can dress ‘em as risque as you want. Send it to her place of work.”
“Back to this Bernie Williams thing…”
There's a really lucky lady out there with a saucily dressed Vermont Teddy Bear headed in her direction as I type. Someday my prince will come...
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