The Feed

The Greatest

I was watching PTI at the gym this afternoon and in the first four stories Wilbon and Kornheiser called something the greatest of all time. First up were the Patriots, who Tony said would go 19-0 and were the best football team of all time. Then came Devin Hester, the greatest kick returner of all time. Finally, after a brief respite during a college football discussion that flirted with calling South Florida the greatest something or other of all time, up came the Colorado Rockies who are on the greatest hot streak of all time.

Cris Collinsworth did the same thing during halftime of last night's Sunday Night football game when he referred to New England as the best team he's ever seen. There's been scuttlebutt here and there that Tom Brady is having the greatest season of any quarterback ever, during last year's NCAA Tournament we heard that Greg Oden was the best Freshman to ever play college basketball. Unless it was Kevin Durant.

Elsewhere there are articles proclaiming Brett Favre, Joe Torre, the USC football program, Roger Federer, San Diego State kicker Parker Douglass, Floyd Mayweather, motocross racer Ricky Carmichael , high school running back Jerandon Bussey and Roger Clemens the Greatest ______ of All Time. Appalachian State's win over Michigan was called the greatest upset of all time until that USC football program was defeated by a Stanford team that ASU would probably handle with ease.

What's all the fuss about the greatest of all time? I think it has more to do with us than with anything these teams or players do in their chosen fields. We're obsessed with thinking that we are witnessing the absolute height of human achievement rather than just admitting that every era has its standouts, that its impossible to truly compare sports performances from one era against another except in the mind's eye. Sure, statisticians can create formulas that put things on an equal playing field but can anyone say with any degree of real certainty what would happen if Clemens took on Babe Ruth or if Tim Duncan's Spurs played the Knicks of Reed and Frazier?

I'd love to see both matchups but until someone harnesses 1.21 gigawatts it's going to remain a fantasy. These mythical titles seem to exist just to start the next debate - If the Patriots are the greatest team of all time and the Colts beat them does that make the Colts the greatest team of all time? - and in that next debate no one is going to be more inclined to temper their remarks.

I'm not saying any and all of these people are being mislabeled, except for the San Diego State kicker thing which is just hyperbole out of control. I'm just saying that our need to feel like we live in interesting and amazing times trumps any and all perspective about the length and variety of history.

They called World War I the "war to end all wars" and as you'll note by the ongoing muck of Iraq that was more than a little premature. The generation that won World War II, the "greatest generation," went on to get us into Vietnam, presided over Jim Crow and helped create divides in this country that are still being fought over. And those are things that actually matter. Wouldn't it be both easier and more accurate to say that huge things and magnificent individuals exist in every era and just celebrate them that way instead of resorting to hyperbole that only serves to make us feel better about ourselves?

Having A Ball

Remember the show "Coach"? You should. It was like Shakespeare came back to life so he could write about scholastic sports in the woods of modern-day Minnesota. Anyway, if you do remember it, you'll likely recall that coach Hayden Fox had an ongoing feud with the coach of Minnesota State's woman's basketball team. They'd play pranks on one another and battle for funding but either way comedic hijinks were sure to follow.

Something similar but not quite as hilarious is going on at Ball State. Ronny Thompson, son of John and brother of John III, recently resigned as their basketball coach but not before he requested that the school fire women's volleyball coach Randy Litchfield. The school's president directed the athletic director to follow through on Thompson's request. Why did he want the other coach fired? Because Litchfield turned Thompson and his staff in for watching practices in violation of NCAA rules. It's not clear if he was also dating a dimwitted Nordic assistant coach who was close to Thompson but it doesn't seem likely.

Upon arriving in Muncie, Thompson proceeded to clean house, firing everyone from the basketball secretary to trainers, and telling players not to trust certain staffers because according to sources, they were white.

Thompson claims that he resigned because of a hostile work environment that was created when notes with racial slurs were slipped under his door. That would be a better explanation than the slew of NCAA violations and the 9-22 record he compiled in his one season on the Ball State sidelines.

But I Don't Wanna Be A Wonder Boy

There have been a spate of college teams that have changed their nicknames recently. Most of them have switched from names that referenced Native Americans, e.g. the St. John's Redman became the Red Storm and the Southeastern Oklahoma State Savages became the Savage Storm. We particularly liked that last one because of the impossibility to wrap the name as a respectful nod to the aggrieved. Still unchanged are the hateful Syracuse Orangemen, an affront to the fake-tanned residents of our proud nation. Just another reason why we can't elect Arnold Schwarzenegger President soon enough. Sometimes, though, colleges have to change their names for other reasons. Reasons like being much too weenie to recruit athletes with a modicum of self-respect.

Arkansas Tech is one of those latter schools. The Division II school has formed a committee to discuss changing the team's monikers from the Wonder Boys and Golden Suns. The committee voted 9-3 in favor of a new nickname and cited the need for a gender-neutral, all-encompassing name that would help unite the student body. Wonder Boys is gender-neutral, we'd say, in that it gives no impression of manliness whatsoever but, hey, it's their school. They'd also like a name that keeps them from being taunted by the other kids.

The school also cited concern by the committee over evolving connotations of the term Wonder Boy. "These connotations include slurs about an individual's manhood or race, and the slurs have been used against Tech when recruiting," the release said.

When asked to elaborate on that, (An assistant to the university spokesman Sam) Strasner said that concern came up within the committee.

"I know one thing that was said by one of the student-athletes in the committee meeting — one of the things that I've heard repeated several times — was that once they leave Russellville and go back home, they don't really like to associate themselves with that name because of some ribbing they take from their friends," Strasner said.

Another part of the problem is that students don't know how to dress up in support of their teams. Wonder Boys and Golden Suns, it seems, "do not lend themselves to a visual identity suitable for printed materials and other marketing initiatives." They also said that when students dress up like superheroes, which actually seems like the closest approximation of a Wonder Boy, it "is not consistent with the spirit or the proud history of the name." Maybe if they dressed up like Michael Chabon? Or Tobey Maguire?

The University is considering names like Copperheads, Comets, Terrapins, Atomic Wedgies and Brady Quinn's Photo Album in an effort to minimize the abuse suffered by their students. When they do come up with a new nickname we hope they'll also enlighten us why Arkansas needs a technical university.

Steve Lavin Has More Friends Than He Thought He Did

Were you invited to former UCLA basketball coach Steve Lavin's wedding? If so this post has special meaning for you although you've probably already received the email reprinted from LA Observed below. If not, just sit back and have a laugh at the expense of anyone who might have made travel plans and carved out some time in their lives to attend a wedding someone asked them to attend.

Unexpectedly we have received a stunning 95% RSVP on sent out wedding invitations. As a result, our wedding guest list has far exceeded the maximum capacity for a traditional ceremony and reception at The Montage Resort.

After giving serious consideration to alternative plans we have decided the best option at this late stage is to head to Europe to create a magical wedding day.

Please accept our sincere apologies for any inconveniences this change in our wedding plans may have caused you.

We are sorry that we will not be able to share our big day with family and friends. We will be sure to send you photos of our wedding upon our return from Europe.

Please confirm that you received this email.

Thanks in advance for your understanding.

Warm regards,
Steve & Mary

The wedding was set for August 17th so this probably ends up fucking up some people's summers which doesn't really irritate us but probably pisses them off a good deal. And wow, the chance to look at pictures from a wedding you didn't attend! That's like a dream come true.

(Thanks to Boi from Troy for passing this along)

Mickey Mouse Hates Black People But Miguel Cabrera Loves Quarter Pounders

The Florida State Seminoles can sit on top of the world just as long as they don't sit in Disney World 'cause there's no black men allowed in there! (SportsbyBrooks)

Haven't the people of Blacksburg suffered enough? (Awful Announcing)

A ranking of the personnel men of the NBA. There's a lot of bad in those ranks if Isiah Thomas only ranks 25th. (SI.com)

It's never too early for a NFL mock draft. Except it's much too early for a NFL mock draft. At least the Jets are picking 24th, which means they had a heck of a mock season. (Walters Football Site)

Don't fuck with Norweigian soccer moms. (The Offside)

It's no surprise that the greasy teen moustache Greg Maddux used to wear won him the Rookie Card Challenge. (Babes Love Baseball)

Miguel Cabrera cares not for your petty concerns about his obesity. (Bugs & Cranks)

Gilbert Arenas wants to be just like Marvin Brando. We assume he means Marlon Brando which we assume means he wants to spread VD across Tahiti the way Brando spread butter on that chick in Last Tango in Paris. (DC Sports Bog)

A new basketball court for Indiana University. (Rumors and Rants)

Who would have ever thought racing sausages would create so many copycats? (Home Run Derby)

We're Not Gonna Make It

We're a little more than a week away from the NBA Draft so we can expect a barrage of mock drafts from experts like Chad Ford, Jonathan Givony and Tony Mejia between now and then. Most of them will focus on big names. Will the Blazers opt for Greg Oden or Kevin Durant? What will the Hawks do in the thid spot? Who takes a chance on the beautiful soul of Yi Jianlian?

But there are other questions that also demand answers. Which of this year's early-entry candidates should have spent another year in dining halls instead of riding buses in the D-League or trying to figure out public transportation in cities like Manila, Istanbul or Minsk? We've identified six likely candidates for an uneventful draft day followed by a brief tour with a summer league club and then a trip to the basketball hinterlands. That's not to say they won't make an impact on the NBA one day, just ask Bruce Bowen and Ben Wallace if being drafted is a necessary step to a successful NBA career, it just means that they may have been a bit too capricious in their decision to leave the collegiate ranks.

The Big Story: The Wandering Donovan

A daily look at the big story of the day in sports as seen through the eyes of writers and bloggers all across the internet.

Three things came to an end this weekend. The Pistons season will go no further after LeBron James and Boobie Gibson put the finishing touches on Cleveland's first-ever Eastern Conference title, a model train store in New Jersey won't be able to count on mob dollars helping them make rent and Billy Donovan won't be getting more offers to coach NBA basketball teams.

Hours after agreeing to take over the head coaching job of the Orlando Magic Donovan changed his mind and started the process of slinking back to Gainesville. It's believed that Donovan signed a contract with the Magic which means that it's up to Orlando to let him return and it's up to Orlando whether or not they will pursue action against the indecisive coach for breaking that contract. The Orlando Sentinel is reporting that they've agreed to let Donovan go back to Florida and that the team is now focusing their coaching search on Stan Van Gundy but there's no shortage of uncertainty on any side of the equation.

What happened to turn Donovan into basketball's version of Bill Belichick? He began having second thoughts after the news conference to announce the signing on Friday and immediately began trying to renege on his deal with the NBA club. Reports out of Florida point to the fact that Donovan felt like he was under a lot of pressure to make a quick decision and that led to his making a choice that didn't sit well with him. Smells like bullshit from here. The Magic needed a head coach and, understandably, wanted to know if Donovan would be that coach before they went on to make an offer to another candidate. When Donovan is recruiting players to come and play for the Gators he does exactly the same thing. The timetable is what it is, if Donovan wasn't ready to make a choice then that's what he should have told the team and allowed them to go with Van Gundy or whoever. The same way that Donovan wouldn't sit around and wait for one high school senior to make up his mind before making sure that he signs other players who fill his needs.

If Donovan does harbor a desire to coach in the NBA he didn't do himself any favors with the way he handled the situation. There aren't going to be a raft of job openings with teams that have young stars like Dwight Howard and play in areas that would allow him to move without totally uprooting his family. So if his wont is to go and coach a team that is in decent shape, offers him a lot of money and won't cause his life to change drastically Donovan really screwed up by passing on this deal. We didn't get why he was toying with leaving Florida in the first place but if he was going to leave now was the time to do it. Bobby Cremins never recovered at Georgia Tech after flirting with South Carolina. His recruiting suffered, his teams never succeeded at the same level and it's difficult to believe that those things didn't go hand-in-hand with a belief that his heart really wasn't in the job anymore. It will take years for Donovan to convince people that he's sold on being the head coach of the Florida Gators and not thinking about jumping to another job.

Not that he'll be getting many more substantial offers. He turned down Kentucky and after screwing over the Magic it's hard to imagine many teams going through the motions with Donovan when there's so little reason to believe anything that comes out of his mouth. The Magic sold 200 season tickets in the brief period Donovan posed as their head coach. Those people weren't forking over their cash to see J.J. Redick impersonate a NBA shooting guard nor was it the regret of missing many seasons of Magic basketball. That was all about Donovan's name and his resume and he's left the team holding the bag and looking like amateurs. The Magic are making the right and classy decision by allowing him to leave, if that report is true, but if those fans want their money back it should come from Donovan's pocket.

Billy Ball Goes Professional

In basketball there are myriad differences between the college and professional game but almost all of them can be boiled down to one thing. The professional game is about the players and the college game is about the coaches. Just look at this year's tournament final. Florida, a team built around the recruiting ability and relentless personality of Billy Donovan beat out an Ohio State team which revolved around Greg Oden, the finest collegiate player in many a moon. It was Donovan's second straight title with a team of players who thrived in his system because he was the King. If Joakim Noah wanted to have plays run for him, tough shit. Go to class, daishiki boy because it's the way I do things. If Lee Humphery wanted to do something other than hoist threes all night he would have to get himself a job in the student union because work-study was the only way he was going to afford tuition. Donovan told these kids what they had to do to make him happy and if they didn't do it he'd just go find someone else who would.

It doesn't work that way in the Association. Ask Larry Brown. Remember him? He was the best coach in the universe after knocking off the Lakers in 2004 and getting the Pistons back to the finals the next year but it took just a few months at Madison Square Garden for his reputation to wilt when highly paid players reacted to his suggestions like Frenchmen when Hitler crossed the Maginot Line. How about Pat Riley? His fistful of rings didn't mean diddly squat when Dwayne Wade broke down and Antoine Walker, James Posey and Jason Williams stopped impersonating reliable players. Or how about Rick Pitino? It's not so easy when you can't get the exact players that you want and when the players you find yourself stuck with don't need you to facilitate their futures.

That's something Donovan should have thought about before he left Gainesville for Orlando yesterday. Dwight Howard is a terrific young player and the Magic job is a better one than the others available this offseason but that still doesn't explain why Donovan wanted to head for the Magic Kingdom. He needs to prove himself at a higher level? I'm guessing Roy Williams, Mike Krzyzewski and John Wooden sleep well enough at night without a handful of .500 seasons and an ignoble firing cluttering up their resume.

Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo! Sports quotes a NBA executive as saying, "Just take a look at the Cavaliers, and know that with one great player in the East, you can be in the conference finals in a short amount of time." Clearly this isn't the best day to be comparing people to LeBron but is it really that easy? Wouldn't Tracy McGrady have taken the Magic there if it were? Wouldn't the Magic have won a game in the playoffs this year? Howard's a fine player but big men need more help than Jameer Nelson and Hedo Turkoglu can provide to make an impact deep in the postseason. Maybe Donovan gets those players but history says it's easier said than done. History also says you don't walk away from being an icon to be just another guy. Someone still has Steve Spurrier's number on that campus, right?

Jay Bilas Is A Loyal Guy

ESPN has it's college basketball analysts discussing the current state of college basketball. As with any discussion, top-ten lists are the order of the day and they're ranking the Top 10 programs of the last decade, the underrated programs, those primed for success now and in the future and the biggest underachievers. Lion in Oil took a look at the results of the ballots and found some shady business going on in the voting for underachievers. Four of the five voters ranked Michigan as the biggest failure in D-1, rightfully so given the size of the school, the athletic history and budget and the astounding lack of NCAA bids over the last decade. The fifth voter, Jay Bilas, sees things differently, however.

Jay Bilas
1.  Arizona State

2. Oregon State

3. St. John's

4. Florida State

5. Colorado

6. Rutgers

7.  Georgia

8. Virginia

9. Kansas State

10. UCLA

Bilas' old college teammate Tommy Amaker was the coach of the Wolverines until he was fired following this season. Do you think that may have contributed to Bilas leaving Michigan off the ballot while finding room for UCLA, which you may remember from the past two Final Fours. Surprisingly Bilas left Harvard, Amaker's new employer, off the list of underrated programs although he found room for national runner-up Ohio State on that ballot. He also resisted the temptation to include the Crimson as a program primed for success although that may have just been a case of an overzealous editor trying to protect some semblance of legitimacy.

His support of Amaker has been as unwavering as George Bush's support of the war in Iraq. After the Blue hired John Beilein as coach, Bilas gave an interview to the Detroit Free-Press and said he thought Beilein would be successful because Amaker "put (the program) in really solid footing, and I think Michigan owes him a debt of gratitude for doing that." In the same interview he says that Michigan hasn't done much of national relevancy in the last 40 years, a nice idea if you ignore the fact that they won a title and went to two other Final Fours in the last 18 years. He writes off their success because they cheated with the Fab Five. That's certainly not the case for such squeaky clean programs as Connecticut and Kentucky, two of his top-10 programs, right?

Hot Commodity

Where exactly is Billy Donovan going to be coaching come the fall? After spurning Kentucky's job offer it seemed clear that the two-time National Championship winner would be returning to the sidelines in Gainesville. That clarity got muddled come the end of the NBA season and a spate of coaching jobs opening up on the professional level. It's easy to understand why Donovan wouldn't leave Florida for another collegiate job - why go out for hot dogs when you've got a T-Bone on the grill at home? But the NBA and the chance to conquer an entirely new basketball world, that's a different story.

Yahoo! Sports reported on Monday that the Memphis Grizzlies offered Donovan $5 million a year to coach their club. Donovan countered by asking for total control of the basketball operations and, according to Adrian Wojnarowski, that was too rich a deal for Memphis owner Michael Heisley to make with a guy who has no pro experience. Florida assistant coach Larry Shyatt called Wojnarowski's article bunk by saying that Donovan never interviewed and never asked for anything. It seems likely that Florida is trying to stem any future advances toward their coach but even Shyatt admits that Heisley spoke with Donovan so the question of whether or not it was an "interview" is a semantic one. Donovan is now in Ireland with friends so his side of the story, whatever it is, remains unknown. What is clear, though, is that teams aren't going to stop making forays for Donovan's services.

David Whitley has a column in today's Orlando Sentinel that advocates pushing Brian Hill out of his job to entice the Gator coach with a job that would barely require his relocation. There's an opening in Indiana, potentially in Houston and maybe Pat Riley steps up his retirement timetable if Donovan is interested in moving further downstate. Donovan probably learned from Rick Pitino that money isn't enough of a reason to take a job, after all he's going to be rich and comfortable in Gainesville for as long as he wants. The right pro job with the right organization, something he may have learned from Pitino's time coaching him with the Knicks, could pry him loose. Florida hasn't finalized that extension with their coach yet and they really might want to get that done before resting on the belief that he'll be back when practice opens in October.