Now that all this Harry Potter hullabaloo is out of the way the country can turn its eyes to a truly groundbreaking piece of literature. Charles Oakley is writing a book.
"I'm not pulling any punches, true stories. It ain't one of those Charles Barkley fake books, it's a Charles Oakley book," Oakley said. "It's not an O.J. book, it's an Oakley book."
Any book that chronicles Oakley's life is sure to have its fair share of explosive anecdotes. He was a guy who got suspended for a Raptor game for drilling a basketball at Jeff McInnis's head at a shootaround. He got tossed from a pre-season game before it began for slapping Tyrone Hill in the head to remind him about a gambling debt.
Oakley has a long list of memorable sayings, ranging from "If it ain't broke, don't break it," to "Just because there's glass on the road don't mean there's been an accident." If you put those thoughts and others like it to paper, it may not be Shakespeare, but a whole lot of people will read it. But there's one thing he won't reveal. Oakley, who never came across a subject he wouldn't pontificate on, won't give out the juiciest of book details, or the co-author's name.
"People might try to come after us and take us down, maybe send a hit man," he said. "I have to protect myself, can't let it get out."
The book, which we've already mentally preordered, doesn't have a firm release date. It's not finished, for one thing, and doesn't have a publisher, for another, but the biggest thing holding it back may be that the subject is mulling thoughts of a comeback to the NBA. That's right, Oak wants to play again but he's not going to just show up for the love of the game. As always it's about the Do-Re-Mi for Oakley.
Toronto would be nice, but so would Dallas, Miami, Cleveland or New York, as long as the price is right. "I'm not coming back cheap," he said. "If you read this article and you think you can get me cheap, there's another thought coming."
Take a look at the article and the mention of his Ferrari and Bentley, his lime green sneakers and self-described "rock star life." If you read that and think that anything Oakley does comes cheap you're a very different man than I. The chances of a team bringing Oakley into the fold seems remote although it's hard to imagine this year's Mavericks getting thrashed by the Warriors if they had someone with Oakley's heart and spirit on their roster. That weak-ass shit don't fly when Oak is on your case and it's always a more interesting Association when #34 is around.
(Hat tip to The FanHouse)