The Feed

I Ain't Got Time To Bleed!

A list of the top five Arnold Schwarzenegger movies that doesn't include Predator is like a list of top five sexual acts that doesn't include the blowjob. Our list? Predator, T2, Total Recall, Terminator and The Running Man with Conan, True Lies and Commando all worthy choices that fall just a bit short. (The Big Lead)

Are you ready, Cleveland? (Flyers Fieldhouse)

Get to know The Flyin' Hawaiian. (The Extrapolater)

Tank Johnson is going to have a lot of time to work on his quest to become the NFL Man of the Year. Just wondering how Johnson getting charged with a laundry list of crimes, violating probation he received for those crimes and spending two months in jail is worth a suspension half as long as Pacman Jones. We all know Jones is no angel and worthy of whatever punishment comes his way but Roger Goodell is using some strange criteria. (The Fanhouse)

Last night's Sopranos wasn't Eric Mangini's acting debut. Who knew? (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

The Yankee-Red Sox rivalry isn't limited to players and fans. We all know you can't show emotion in the press box but the rules are different when Bob Klapisch is on the hill. (Lohud Yankees Blog)

It's never too early to predict the exact final score of the Super Bowl. (Awful Announcing)

Could Jermaine Dye be on his way out of Chicago? (Foul Balls)

Is This The End Of Joe Table?

The Detroit Tigers made a pretty bold move this weekend. They released Jose Mesa, he of the 12.34 ERA this season, which could mean the end of a career that's spanned four presidencies, eight teams and induced counless vomiting binges from coast to coast. It would be easy to say that this is the end of the line for the 41-year old righthander if it weren't for the fact that he's already had more comebacks than John Travolta. Like the portly actor Mesa has mixed in the occasional standout season with sustained mediocrity and an ever-expanding waistline in his career as a pitcher, fighter and lover.

He failed as a starter in Baltimore and Cleveland before finding success as a closer with the Indians 1995 American League champions. He made his lone All-Star appearance that year (though he made the team and didn't pitch in '96) and saved 101 games through 1997 before losing the closer's job to Mike Jackson and getting dealt to San Francisco. His 5.00 ERA in the '95 and '97 World Series probably expedited his departure from the reservation and helped give rise to his reputation as a guy who couldn't get the job done in the clutch. He shuffled through a couple of terrible seasons in Seattle, including a brutal 12.46 ERA in the 2000 ALCS, before rebounding with 87 more saves for the Phillies in 2001 and 2002. A poor 2003 was followed by a good year with the Pirates in '04. He lost the closer job in Pittsburgh and eased into middle relief with Colorado last summer before heading to Detroit. All in all he's piled up 320 saves, good for 13th on the all-time list, and a 4.33 career ERA.

That's the statistical record but there's more to Mesa's legacy than that. He had a long-running feud with his former teammate Omar Vizquel after the shortstop blamed the closer for losing the 1997 World Series for the Indians. Mesa responded by saying that he would hit Vizquel with a pitch every time they met in the future. He made good on it too, beaning Vizquel in 2002 and again in 2006 although they had further matchups that ended without incident later that season. Each man is a member of the Top 100 Greatest Cleveland Indians of All Time and every baseball fan avidly awaits their tearful reconciliation at a Mike Hargrove day to be named later.

The most interesting thing about Mesa, however, has nothing to do with his baseball exploits. It has to do with his sexual ones. A look at his bio reveals that Jose and his lovely wife Mirla have six children. The eldest, a daughter named Yamely, was born in 1974 which means that Mesa was seven when she was born. Even if that's a misprint, and it probably is, their son Ralph was born in 1979. That's more reasonable, Mesa was 13 at that point after all. For someone who made their living late in games Mesa certainly got an early start at the game of life.

The Face That Launched A Thousand Perverts

When Roger Clemens stepped up to the microphone from Big Stein's box at Yankee Stadium and announced he was coming back to the Bombers no one had a more uproarious reaction than radio announcer Suzyn Waldman. She shrieked, she screamed, she may have even experienced the widely rumored but rarely achieved female orgasm. Her reaction provoked rips from newspapers, sports radio and sports blogs for its lack of professionalism and downright ridiculousness. According to an article in yesterday's Daily News it also led to other reactions delivered directly to Waldman.

The harsh reaction to her frantic May 6 introduction of Roger Clemens on WCBS-AM has produced rough times for Suzyn (Georgie Girl) Waldman.

Well-embedded Yankee moles tell me that deviants, who get their kicks harassing women, have come out of the woodwork and landed on Waldman.

These creeps are fueled each and every time they hear some sports talkie play the tape of Waldman going gaga over Clemens' arrival. Playing this tape has become the macho thing to do.

The reaction of these losers has caused Waldman to react. This is why she tore into WFAN's Chris (Mad Dog) Russo on Saturday, May 19, prior to the Mets-Yankees tilt. Dog told Waldman "(He and Mike Francesa) were just having some fun," by playing the tape.

That kind of "fun," according to Yankee insiders, has led to Waldman receiving perverted E-mails and crank telephone calls.

Waldman declined comment when asked about all this. The only thing she would say is she has been forced to check into hotels under assumed names and have the phone in her room completely shut down.

It's not so surprising that people reacted with vitriol to Waldman's performance on the radio that day. It was hucksterism of the highest magnitude. Most of the displeasure we've seen with her work has been neither sexist nor bullying, just well-reasoned assaults on someone who has that little regard for doing their job in a responsible manner. You can read reams of negative things about Waldman's partner John Sterling for the exact same reasons. But really people, sexually harassing that? What's your line?

"Hey baby, I'd like to bend you over the microfiche machine in the back of the library and make you feel like you were 53 all over again."

Seriously, she looks like a character from Yentl. And not Barbra Streisand either. She's got the visage of an elderly male member of the local shul.

Guess Who Has A House Account At Satriale's?

Eric Mangini hasn't gone out of his way to make many friends in the sports media. He was never forthcoming with information about the Jets, be it injuries to players or gameplans or his feud with Bill Belichick, nor has he given the expansive interviews or stream of conciousness press conferences that were the specialty of his predeccesor Herman Edwards. That said, he always showed a keen sense of humor about his taciturn approach to the press and he was definitely in on the joke.

So he probably gets how special an honor it is that he was asked to guest star on the penultimate episode of the greatest television show we've ever had the pleasure of watching. With Tony Soprano's world crashing down around him he still found time to go over to pay his respects to the Mangenius while enjoying a nosh at Nuovo Vesuvio with Carmela last night. And it actually made sense in the context of the scene. Why wouldn't Mangini, an Italian who clearly enjoys a good plate of ziti with gravy on a Sunday night, sample the offerings of talented Artie Bucco? Of the many, many things The Sopranos did better than other television programs was the celebrity cameo. Christopher decking Lauren Bacall and stalking Ben Kingsley, Nancy Sinatra serenading Phil Leonardo/Leotardo and Marty Scorsese entering a party in Manhattan all pale in comparison to the king of New Jersey paying his respects to the Jets coach, though.

He had a better week than most of the other fat guys on the show as well but we're willing to bet he still tucked himself in with a machine gun. After all, you never know when Kevan Barlow might be coming around to get some revenge.

(Thanks to Deadspin for the picture)

The Big Story: The Wandering Donovan

A daily look at the big story of the day in sports as seen through the eyes of writers and bloggers all across the internet.

Three things came to an end this weekend. The Pistons season will go no further after LeBron James and Boobie Gibson put the finishing touches on Cleveland's first-ever Eastern Conference title, a model train store in New Jersey won't be able to count on mob dollars helping them make rent and Billy Donovan won't be getting more offers to coach NBA basketball teams.

Hours after agreeing to take over the head coaching job of the Orlando Magic Donovan changed his mind and started the process of slinking back to Gainesville. It's believed that Donovan signed a contract with the Magic which means that it's up to Orlando to let him return and it's up to Orlando whether or not they will pursue action against the indecisive coach for breaking that contract. The Orlando Sentinel is reporting that they've agreed to let Donovan go back to Florida and that the team is now focusing their coaching search on Stan Van Gundy but there's no shortage of uncertainty on any side of the equation.

What happened to turn Donovan into basketball's version of Bill Belichick? He began having second thoughts after the news conference to announce the signing on Friday and immediately began trying to renege on his deal with the NBA club. Reports out of Florida point to the fact that Donovan felt like he was under a lot of pressure to make a quick decision and that led to his making a choice that didn't sit well with him. Smells like bullshit from here. The Magic needed a head coach and, understandably, wanted to know if Donovan would be that coach before they went on to make an offer to another candidate. When Donovan is recruiting players to come and play for the Gators he does exactly the same thing. The timetable is what it is, if Donovan wasn't ready to make a choice then that's what he should have told the team and allowed them to go with Van Gundy or whoever. The same way that Donovan wouldn't sit around and wait for one high school senior to make up his mind before making sure that he signs other players who fill his needs.

If Donovan does harbor a desire to coach in the NBA he didn't do himself any favors with the way he handled the situation. There aren't going to be a raft of job openings with teams that have young stars like Dwight Howard and play in areas that would allow him to move without totally uprooting his family. So if his wont is to go and coach a team that is in decent shape, offers him a lot of money and won't cause his life to change drastically Donovan really screwed up by passing on this deal. We didn't get why he was toying with leaving Florida in the first place but if he was going to leave now was the time to do it. Bobby Cremins never recovered at Georgia Tech after flirting with South Carolina. His recruiting suffered, his teams never succeeded at the same level and it's difficult to believe that those things didn't go hand-in-hand with a belief that his heart really wasn't in the job anymore. It will take years for Donovan to convince people that he's sold on being the head coach of the Florida Gators and not thinking about jumping to another job.

Not that he'll be getting many more substantial offers. He turned down Kentucky and after screwing over the Magic it's hard to imagine many teams going through the motions with Donovan when there's so little reason to believe anything that comes out of his mouth. The Magic sold 200 season tickets in the brief period Donovan posed as their head coach. Those people weren't forking over their cash to see J.J. Redick impersonate a NBA shooting guard nor was it the regret of missing many seasons of Magic basketball. That was all about Donovan's name and his resume and he's left the team holding the bag and looking like amateurs. The Magic are making the right and classy decision by allowing him to leave, if that report is true, but if those fans want their money back it should come from Donovan's pocket.

Cubs + Smiling Faces Does Not Compute

On Friday the Cubs were too consumed with fighting each other to beat the Braves and on Saturday Lou Piniella was too focused on his issues with the umpiring to lead his team to victory. Sunday, though, with tempers cooled and Piniella suspended by the league the Cubs found a way to beat Atlanta and end their six game losing streak. Alan Trammell got the win as manager, something he did very little of when he ran the Tigers, thanks to a Mark DeRosa grand slam and an Alfonso Soriano homer. The two newcomers haven't done enough of that, the Cubs are 23-31, hence the heated undercollars of players and manager alike. Cubs fans aren't fooled by the 10-1 rout though, belief is in short supply on the north side of Chicago.

• Gary Sheffield always makes headlines. He made them with his mouth by telling GQ that black players are less malleable than their latin counterparts and he made them with his temper by throwing a shard of a bat at an umpire following a groundout. Actually he made some more with his mouth after that incident by blaming his ensuing suspension on a conspiracy within the game which he will reveal if not exonerated. As always, though, the only reason he can make those headlines is because of the ones he generates with his bat. Sheff homered and scored three times to help the Tigers to a split in their four games with Cleveland in Sunday's 9-2 win.
• Albert Pujols was 0-for-3 entering his eighth inning at-bat against Chad Qualls in Houston on Sunday. He'd blasted balls to the odd little hill in centerfield in his first two at-bats but Hunter Pence ran them down but no one caught up to his eighth-inning blast. It snapped a 4-4 tie, though Pence retied the score in the bottom of the inning. No matter to Pujols though. He hit a two-run shot off Dan Wheeler in the 10th, after So Taguchi connected on a solo shot, to get the Cardinals out of town with an 8-6 victory.
• The Colts vs. the Jets. Georgetown vs. Villanova. Tyson vs. Douglas. Johan Santana vs. Chad Gaudin. If you're any kind of sports historian, you know how the first three turned out and can probably guess who won yesterday's game between the Twins and the A's. Gaudin and five relievers outdueled the two-time Cy Young winner for a 4-2 win and Santana finds himself at 6-5 with a 3.30 ERA. Not bad stats but they still look wrong when they follow Santana's name in the ledger.
• Chris Ray took the ball in the ninth for the Orioles with a 3-2 lead after Jeremy Guthrie threw eight sparkling innings. Both Angel runs scored on groundouts as Guthrie kept the Halos flailing all afternoon and appeared to give the O's a strong chance of heading out of Anaheim with an impressive win. Two batters into the ninth the Angels had won the game 4-3, though, as Ray delivered the same pitch to Vlad Guerrero that he did to Alex Rodriguez back in April. Each time the slugger deposited the ball in the bleachers and the Orioles were left licking their wounds.

(AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh)

Furthermore, I Dispute Your Assertion About The Location Of The Previous Offerings

In any other organization a spectacle like Phillip Wellman's might hinder career advancement. With Bobby Cox about to set a record for career ejections, however, there's probably no team better than Atlanta for the fiery Wellman. Not that there should ever be an organization that doesn't have a place for a manager who sees an argument about balls and strikes as the appropriate time and place for an impersonation of a WWII G.I. taking out a Nazi machine gun nest.

What Did You Do This Week, A-Rod?

We suppose LeBron James had as eventful a week as Alex Rodriguez. Maybe. But all his pub was positive and it didn't come from as many directions as A-Rod's torrent of coverage.

It's hard enough for most people to compete with your adultery making the front page of New York newspapers. Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton could have hung in the running if that was all Rodriguez was up to. Causing an error by violating one of baseball's unwritten rules on a lazy pop-up  in Toronto means you need to do something really memorable to get more ink than Rodriguez. You'd certainly need to do something more than just get caught thinking about blowing up JFK. But hitting a home run in the ninth inning to beat Jonathan Papelbon and the Red Sox? Only James had a week with enough resume line items to enter the discussion of most discussed.

A-Rod's homer came two innings after a play that doubtlessly had most scribes writing a different story. He popped out to second base with one out and runners on the corners in the seventh with the Yankees down 5-4. One could imagine columns by the Serbys of the world about how all the extracurricular shagging and childish shouting was keeping Rodriguez from focusing on the game and spouting big words about how Rodriguez never did things the Yankee way and that's why the team is floundering this season. Instead you have Mike Vaccaro and John Harper waxing rhapsodic about A-Rod's "Red Sox Moment." It's not easy being A-Rod but it's always interesting.

(AP Photo/Winslow Townson)